Dissonance

dis·so·nance (dĭs'ə-nəns)
n.
A harsh, disagreeable combination of sounds; discord.

Lack of agreement, consistency, or harmony; conflict: "In Vietnam, reality fell away and dissonance between claim and fact filled the void" (Michael Janeway).

Music A combination of tones contextually considered to suggest unrelieved tension and require resolution.

Dissonance is a good description of the craziness of my life and the mellowness of my mood. Really I should be stressed beyond belief right now. My graduate school has discontinued my program and I have to find a new school. I am in the process of preparing my ministry to be taken over by someone else. We are trying to sell our house while looking for a new home in Indy. Where exactly the girls will be for school next year is still up in the air. I may or may not have a job in the months to come. All of these things would normally cause me at least some degree of stress, but . . .

For some reason I am at peace. I have a greater sense of trust in God than I think I have had in a long time. I guess I just decided that if this life change is what he wants for us than he'll have to work out all the details. That is freeing. I'm concerned about what I'll do with myself when I'm no longer working but I look forward to finding a new graduate program, setting up our new house, and having more time to play, cook, and craft with the girls. I'm happy not knowing what the future holds.

Nothing about my situation and my feelings fits together. But just as two notes in a composition can sound dissonant and even grating, when they are played in the whole composition they often fit just right. That is the story of my life right now. If I look at the details it makes me uncomfortable and grates on my nerves. But if I look at things in the perspective of God's bigger plan, it forms a beautiful harmony.