A Sad Sad World

Like most of the world, I've been hearing quite a bit about teens taking their lives because of bullying.  Often, they are bullied because of being homosexual.  I'm incredibly glad that various organizations and celebrities are raising awareness about this issue.  One of my worst fears as my girls get older is that they will either be bullied or be the bully.  Which makes me think . . . in all of these awareness campaigns, why are we not asking the question, "where do kids learn to bully?"  I mean really.  At such a young age, where do we think their attitudes towards people who are different come from?  We try really hard to expose our girls to a variety of people and to help them learn to love them even if they don't understand them or agree with them.  I believe that's what God requires of us.  God loves everyone, whether or not they live a life worthy of him (as few of us do) or even if they don't love him in return.  That's how I want my girls to see others.  With the loving eyes of God above anything.  So I would suggest that as we raise awareness with teens, we also talk to their parents.  What are we teaching our kids by the comments we make about strangers at the store, people in the news, politicians, and people who are just different than we are?  I know I have work I can still do on this.  Do you?

Recently, I was listening to NPR and they were interviewing a man who has started the "It Gets Better" campaign.  As a gay man, he is encouraging kids to hang in there through the difficult teen years, because IT GETS BETTER.  He and others have put videos on Youtube expressing this encouraging message.  As he was talking, he said something to the effect that gay kids get bullied at school, they come home and get bullied by disapproving parents, and then they are dragged to a "mega-church" where they are bullied by peers and even by the speaker in the pulpit.  Ouch.  It hurts, but I know it's true in a lot of instances.  For some twisted reason, many Christians think it will help if they remind homosexuals that their life style is not in line with God's plan.  Why do we think that will help?  Where's the love?  I guess my prayer is that churches will find a way to reach out to all teens who are being bullied, but especially to gay teens.  If the church won't show them unconditional love, who will?

Finally, I watched GLEE last night.  This is by far my favorite TV show and as usual it is able to talk about a difficult topic with humor and realism.  While the show was not really talking about this issue, they touched on it.  In an episode where each of the characters were coming to terms with their belief, or lack there of, in God, one character explains this issue rather well.  One of my favorite characters is Kurt.  Kurt is a gay young man, who is learning to live life as himself and to love himself no matter what the world tells him.  As he experience a personal crises, he explains his lack of belief in God. "Why would I believe in someone who took my mom away, made me gay and allows me to be ridiculed everyday, and is now taking my dad away?  Either there is no God or he's not a very good guy."  Those aren't his exact words, but it's pretty close.  And as he said it, my heart broke.  I wish I could reach out to everyone who felt this way and show them the God I know.  One of love and comfort.  The God who doesn't make life easy, but who never abandons me when the going gets tough.  I'm not sure how to do it without invalidating the way they feel, but I am challenged to find a way.

So tonight, I pray that anyone who feels as though they don't fit in, that they are unloved or unlovable, or who feels this life holds nothing for them, will somehow supernaturally experience a movement of God.  That God would put people in their path that will love them for who they are and where they are at.  I pray that I am one of those people God uses.

T IS FOR TULIP

Let me preface this post by saying that my comments here have nothing at all to do with non-Christians. I know many non-Christians- some who would call themselves atheist- who are wonderful, kind, compassionate and generous people.  This post is not about them.  It's about me.  That may sound self-indulgent, but it is after all MY blog.


Like any good theology student I have studied and pondered the 5 points of Calvinism or Reformed Theology.  Also like a good theology student, I remember them as TULIP.
Total Depravity
Unconditional Election
Limited Atonement
Irresistible Grace
Perseverance of the Saints

On any given day, I may or may not agree with one or more of these points.  Most days, people would say I'm a 2 point Calvinist, but those 2 points may be different than the day before.  Yes, I'm one of those annoying people who will tell you that I adhere to neither political party.  "I vote for the person not the party." Yada, yada, yada.  What can I say?  I'm stubborn and independently minded.  I like to go against the grain and question EVERYTHING!

Today however, I'm believing in the T of Tulip.  I am totally depraved and I believe the human race as a whole is too.  You, see I've been reading about the holocaust and just finished a book about one woman's captivity in Iran.  Then I think about all of the atrocities committed by we humans.  Some may be no big deal by societies standards, while others are the things that turn your stomach, or at the very least make you go hmmmm.  Don't get me wrong.  I know there is good out there.  And most days, I choose the right over the wrong choice.  But it's not on my own power.  Without God's grace and the love and example of Jesus, I don't know what I might do!  I mean seriously.  Could I sink as low as some of the leaders from events and ideas I abhor throughout history?  If I'm able to lie to loved ones, cheat, bend the law to fit my needs, judge strangers, am I not also capable of much worse?  Today I am thankful that most days I am able to distinguish right from wrong and choose right. This is what one of my theology professors would call biblical wisdom.  I am thankful because I know it is Jesus' love for me and my desire to please him in return that gives me that wisdom.  So, I sit here and admit that (at least for today) I believe I am totally depraved!

I'll end this post much as I began.  What motivates my non-believing friends to do good?  I don't know.  I just know they do it.  Do they struggle with the pull to do wrong when they know they should do right?  Again, I don't know.  I guess they'll have to work that out in their own theology.  Yep, that's what I said.  Whether we believe in God or not, we all ascribe to some theology.  But that's a post for another day!

WHAT WOULD BE MY RESPONSE?

I just finished reading a memoir of a holocaust survivor: This Has Happened: An Italian Family In Auschwitz.  I am always appalled, ashamed, amazed, grieved, and saddened by accounts of the holocaust.  What has me thinking the most today is the afterward by anthropologist, Mary Doria Russell.  She explains why the Italian Jewish population had a greater percent of survivors, and in so doing applauds and honors the Italian people for their compassion and humanity.  She goes on to say that while it's important to ask, "How could this happen?", it may be more important to ask, "What would I have done in that situation?"  The people who fell under Hitler's "spell" were probably a lot like each of us before the war.  So, if faced with that situation what would I have done?  Would I too have been sucked into Hitler's promises?  Would I have risked my life and the life of my children to shelter and protect my Jewish neighbors and friends?  Would I have joined a resistance movement, living underground, engaging in my own warfare to fight the injustice?  

Thinking about these things causes me to take the question outside of the context of World War II and the Holocaust.  What would I have done as my Savior was being arrested and crucified?  What would I have done when Christians were being rounded up, imprisoned, tortured and killed in the early days of the church?  What would I have done when Christians were warring and killing in the name of Christ during the crusades?  During the civil rights movement?  When a popular politician is all the rage?  When my Lord returns?

Of course, it's easy to answer questions that deal with the past.  They're so hypothetical.  But my greatest fear is that I won't be the person and Christ follower I believe I am when it really counts.  It is also my most fervent prayer.  Lord, help me to be strong, just, persistent, convicted, and loving whenever I face ignorance, prejudice, unjustness, evil, and the hard choice.  Amen!

OMG! WTH! IDK! (Or: Am I really the mother of a teenager?)

Now that summer is here, I am able to spend much more time with my two girls. That is a great thing . . . most of the time. Mostly all this time together has made it even more clear that I am now the mother of a teenager. How did that happen? I still feel like I'm 23- not less than a year shy of 40! It is almost surreal when I find myself in those moments that make me realize we are that much closer to being parents of an adult. For instance: Hannah and Abby (9 years old) have only recently separated into their own rooms. They've shared everything for most of their lives. But last night, it became critically important for Hannah to have privacy while brushing her teeth. As Abby was trying to make her case for getting in the bathroom, I heard, "Can't you understand that I need time to take care of myself now?" Wow. She actually cares about hygiene now. Or on Sunday when I asked the girls to get their rooms ready for our open house. Hannah's room was immaculate. Not only did she do a great job, but then she asked me how she could help me. Excuse me? You want to what? Or today when she helped me with a surprise for a friend by cleaning up and vacuuming the three season room. Of course there are also those moments when she rolls her eyes at me, slams the car door, spends hours in her bed sleeping and/or crying, and just generally tries to prove that her knowledge base is far superior to mine. I look back at it all and wonder where my little two year old is. You know, the one who would put on her slippers, turn on classical music, and "ice skate" around the living room (culminating in the gold medal ceremony of course). The little girl who broke the recliner because she used it as Pride Rock one too many times. The little girl who would look heavenward with those big blue eyes, lift her arms in the air, and sing Jesus Loves Me at the top of her lungs. I know I can't have those days back. And I don't want them back, really. Parenting preschoolers is hard work - but a joy nonetheless. Pretty much like parenting a teenager I imagine. . .

Early Summer Meanderings

I've just finished catching up with some of my favorite blogs. I so enjoy reading about the lives of friends and family and of course the happenings in my professional field. I'm always inspired to write more about my own life, while at the same time left feeling incredibly inadequate. I've been wanting to update my blog for some time, but haven't had much inspiration. So tonight as I listen to the sounds of the summer thunderstorm, my girls fighting over the bathroom, and my husband engrossed in the DS, I turned to our recent pictures for some inspiration.

John and I were recently talking about how much we love this time of year. The kids get out of school, it's May in Indy which of course means racing, and we always spend the first part of June in Florida with family. Above are just a few of my favorite pics from our new favorite season (replacing October when football starts and John celebrates his birthday). May was such an exciting month for us. Not only did the plans for our move back to Indy speed up, but we got to enjoy Abby preparing for her first Indy 500. About 4 years ago, as I was returning from a mission trip to Mexico, I found out that John had taken my then nine-year-old Hannah to the race. She made it about 10 laps and he stretched her out for about 10 more before walking her back to Grandma and Grandpa's house. Since then, for 4 years, Abby has been looking forward to her turn. Unlike her older sister, she has been a race fan for some time now. She will even choose to watch the DVD's of old races for the fun of it. She can tell you who drives what car by their number and their sponser. She can also tell you who has won the 500 and often what year they won. Although she loves Indy Car racing, Abby is not much of one for physical activity. Never has been. So to prepare her for the walk, she and John started taking walks as soon as it was warm enough. We were still concerned if she would make it even half way through the race. So to increase the excitement, we went to qualifications for the first time as a family. We had a great time. We spent about five hours at the track which was great practice for the sun and heat of race day. The girls were able to get several driver autographs, which increased Abby's excitement. Then to top off the preparations, we went to an Andretti Green signing session in Carmel. Abby was in heaven to get so close to her favorite driver, Marco Andretti. She even got her picture taken with him! Hannah too was excited because she got to see Danica Patrick up close and personal. Finally race day came and Abby did great! We were able to drive about half way there decreasing her walk. She made it through the whole race, walked ALL THE WAY back, and enjoyed watching it again on TV. Of course, now the fight is on to see who'll get to go next year. All in all, it was a fantastic 500 filled May.

Just a few short days after the 500, we headed off to Florida for our annual vacation and time with my sister and her family. One of the highlights of the trip was going to Busch Gardens. It was so so so HOT! I have to admit I was a bit grumpy. My mantra for the day was; "I'm losing weight and never coming to Florida in June again!" In spite of the heat (Thank goodness for water rides), we had some great times. It was an especially momentous day for Hannah. She was so proud that she rode every roller coaster available. Even the Sheikra, which boasts a 90 degree drop. Too scary for me - and I love coasters! As I look back at the day, my favorite Hannah moment was in the Lorakeet exhibit. We went in and Aunt Mindy bought a cup of nectar so the girls could feed the birds. Abby passed. Just a little too close for comfort and "What if they poop on you!" Hannah on the other hand, was in heaven. Our little future Vet loved interacting with the birds. After Uncle Kevin showed her how to make them perch on her finger, she had no fear. As we left the exhibit, all she kept asking was, "Can I get a pet bird? Please, please, please?!" The answer by the way is: "Yes, when you have your own house."

The biggest event of the summer so far was my nephew Eric's high school graduation. Seriously, how did he get to be 18? I'll never forget Kevin calling me 18 years ago and saying they were on their way to get me. It was time to go to the hospital. (I was Mindy's birthing coach. Kevin doesn't do well with blood.) It was such an honor to be a part of his birth. And now, to watch him graduate . . . sniff. I'm so excited for what the future holds. Eric is one of the kindest, loving, and bright 18 year old boys I know. Today, my sister (his mom) texted me to tell me she had dropped him off at his dorm for orientation. Yikes! My little baby boy, alone, on the giant campus of USF! I can only begin to imagine what his parents are feeling. All I can do is pray that he uses that brain and makes wise choices. Even as I do, I know that no matter what happens, I'll be proud of him and support him. Man, I love that kid!

So much excitement, and it feels like summer has barely started. Now we are on to the next adventure. The next two weeks will be consumed with packing and moving. I can't wait to start our next phase of life in our new home. But even as I write these words all sorts of fear and trepidation enter my mind. Will I ever get everything done? Will we be able to help the girls transition successfully? Will . . .?

Oh well. Another post, another day!

Dissonance

dis·so·nance (dĭs'ə-nəns)
n.
A harsh, disagreeable combination of sounds; discord.

Lack of agreement, consistency, or harmony; conflict: "In Vietnam, reality fell away and dissonance between claim and fact filled the void" (Michael Janeway).

Music A combination of tones contextually considered to suggest unrelieved tension and require resolution.

Dissonance is a good description of the craziness of my life and the mellowness of my mood. Really I should be stressed beyond belief right now. My graduate school has discontinued my program and I have to find a new school. I am in the process of preparing my ministry to be taken over by someone else. We are trying to sell our house while looking for a new home in Indy. Where exactly the girls will be for school next year is still up in the air. I may or may not have a job in the months to come. All of these things would normally cause me at least some degree of stress, but . . .

For some reason I am at peace. I have a greater sense of trust in God than I think I have had in a long time. I guess I just decided that if this life change is what he wants for us than he'll have to work out all the details. That is freeing. I'm concerned about what I'll do with myself when I'm no longer working but I look forward to finding a new graduate program, setting up our new house, and having more time to play, cook, and craft with the girls. I'm happy not knowing what the future holds.

Nothing about my situation and my feelings fits together. But just as two notes in a composition can sound dissonant and even grating, when they are played in the whole composition they often fit just right. That is the story of my life right now. If I look at the details it makes me uncomfortable and grates on my nerves. But if I look at things in the perspective of God's bigger plan, it forms a beautiful harmony.

Chew on that!

I can't believe it's been almost a year since I've written! I want to commit to writing at least once a week, but even as I say it that little voice in my head is laughing and say, yeah right! There is so much I've been meaning to write, but I think for now I'll leave you with some bits of wisdom from my old testament class this semester. In the case of all of these statements, I feel like God was saying to me- "chew on that!" Most of the statements I'm still savoring and haven't completely wrapped my brain around.

It's not the past that molds you into who you are. It's what it means to you.

Anger is related to blocked goals.

You can't create reality through faith. Faith will not make your problems go away.

In biblical terms, hope is knowing what is to come and waiting for it. Hope is not wishing something will happen.

All you need for peace is for God to lift up His face and look at you.

People don't always practice what they say they believe, but they always practice what they really believe.

There is a difference between God's wrath and man's wrath. Sometimes even righteous people are subject to man's wrath.

We are not defined by our sin. We are defined by our relationship with God.