Goebel Goings-On

A Sad Sad World

2010-10-06T22:09:00.000-04:00

Like most of the world, I've been hearing quite a bit about teens taking their lives because of bullying. Often, they are bullied because of being homosexual. I'm incredibly glad that various organizations and celebrities are raising awareness about this issue. One of my worst fears as my girls get older is that they will either be bullied or be the bully. Which makes me think . . . in all of these awareness campaigns, why are we not asking the question, "where do kids learn to bully?" I mean really. At such a young age, where do we think their attitudes towards people who are different come from? We try really hard to expose our girls to a variety of people and to help them learn to love them even if they don't understand them or agree with them. I believe that's what God requires of us. God loves everyone, whether or not they live a life worthy of him (as few of us do) or even if they don't love him in return. That's how I want my girls to see others. With the loving eyes of God above anything. So I would suggest that as we raise awareness with teens, we also talk to their parents. What are we teaching our kids by the comments we make about strangers at the store, people in the news, politicians, and people who are just different than we are? I know I have work I can still do on this. Do you?

Recently, I was listening to NPR and they were interviewing a man who has started the "It Gets Better" campaign. As a gay man, he is encouraging kids to hang in there through the difficult teen years, because IT GETS BETTER. He and others have put videos on Youtube expressing this encouraging message. As he was talking, he said something to the effect that gay kids get bullied at school, they come home and get bullied by disapproving parents, and then they are dragged to a "mega-church" where they are bullied by peers and even by the speaker in the pulpit. Ouch. It hurts, but I know it's true in a lot of instances. For some twisted reason, many Christians think it will help if they remind homosexuals that their life style is not in line with God's plan. Why do we think that will help? Where's the love? I guess my prayer is that churches will find a way to reach out to all teens who are being bullied, but especially to gay teens. If the church won't show them unconditional love, who will?

Finally, I watched GLEE last night. This is by far my favorite TV show and as usual it is able to talk about a difficult topic with humor and realism. While the show was not really talking about this issue, they touched on it. In an episode where each of the characters were coming to terms with their belief, or lack there of, in God, one character explains this issue rather well. One of my favorite characters is Kurt. Kurt is a gay young man, who is learning to live life as himself and to love himself no matter what the world tells him. As he experience a personal crises, he explains his lack of belief in God. "Why would I believe in someone who took my mom away, made me gay and allows me to be ridiculed everyday, and is now taking my dad away? Either there is no God or he's not a very good guy." Those aren't his exact words, but it's pretty close. And as he said it, my heart broke. I wish I could reach out to everyone who felt this way and show them the God I know. One of love and comfort. The God who doesn't make life easy, but who never abandons me when the going gets tough. I'm not sure how to do it without invalidating the way they feel, but I am challenged to find a way.

So tonight, I pray that anyone who feels as though they don't fit in, that they are unloved or unlovable, or who feels this life holds nothing for them, will somehow supernaturally experience a movement of God. That God would put people in their path that will love them for who they are and where they are at. I pray that I am one of those people God uses.

T IS FOR TULIP

2010-09-01T16:52:00.000-04:00

Let me preface this post by saying that my comments here have nothing at all to do with non-Christians. I know many non-Christians- some who would call themselves atheist- who are wonderful, kind, compassionate and generous people. This post is not about them. It's about me. That may sound self-indulgent, but it is after all MY blog.

Like any good theology student I have studied and pondered the 5 points of Calvinism or Reformed Theology. Also like a good theology student, I remember them as TULIP.
Total Depravity
Unconditional Election
Limited Atonement
Irresistible Grace
Perseverance of the Saints

On any given day, I may or may not agree with one or more of these points. Most days, people would say I'm a 2 point Calvinist, but those 2 points may be different than the day before. Yes, I'm one of those annoying people who will tell you that I adhere to neither political party. "I vote for the person not the party." Yada, yada, yada. What can I say? I'm stubborn and independently minded. I like to go against the grain and question EVERYTHING!

Today however, I'm believing in the T of Tulip. I am totally depraved and I believe the human race as a whole is too. You, see I've been reading about the holocaust and just finished a book about one woman's captivity in Iran. Then I think about all of the atrocities committed by we humans. Some may be no big deal by societies standards, while others are the things that turn your stomach, or at the very least make you go hmmmm. Don't get me wrong. I know there is good out there. And most days, I choose the right over the wrong choice. But it's not on my own power. Without God's grace and the love and example of Jesus, I don't know what I might do! I mean seriously. Could I sink as low as some of the leaders from events and ideas I abhor throughout history? If I'm able to lie to loved ones, cheat, bend the law to fit my needs, judge strangers, am I not also capable of much worse? Today I am thankful that most days I am able to distinguish right from wrong and choose right. This is what one of my theology professors would call biblical wisdom. I am thankful because I know it is Jesus' love for me and my desire to please him in return that gives me that wisdom. So, I sit here and admit that (at least for today) I believe I am totally depraved!

I'll end this post much as I began. What motivates my non-believing friends to do good? I don't know. I just know they do it. Do they struggle with the pull to do wrong when they know they should do right? Again, I don't know. I guess they'll have to work that out in their own theology. Yep, that's what I said. Whether we believe in God or not, we all ascribe to some theology. But that's a post for another day!

WHAT WOULD BE MY RESPONSE?

2010-08-21T13:08:00.000-04:00

I just finished reading a memoir of a holocaust survivor: This Has Happened: An Italian Family In Auschwitz. I am always appalled, ashamed, amazed, grieved, and saddened by accounts of the holocaust. What has me thinking the most today is the afterward by anthropologist, Mary Doria Russell. She explains why the Italian Jewish population had a greater percent of survivors, and in so doing applauds and honors the Italian people for their compassion and humanity. She goes on to say that while it's important to ask, "How could this happen?", it may be more important to ask, "What would I have done in that situation?" The people who fell under Hitler's "spell" were probably a lot like each of us before the war. So, if faced with that situation what would I have done? Would I too have been sucked into Hitler's promises? Would I have risked my life and the life of my children to shelter and protect my Jewish neighbors and friends? Would I have joined a resistance movement, living underground, engaging in my own warfare to fight the injustice?

Thinking about these things causes me to take the question outside of the context of World War II and the Holocaust. What would I have done as my Savior was being arrested and crucified? What would I have done when Christians were being rounded up, imprisoned, tortured and killed in the early days of the church? What would I have done when Christians were warring and killing in the name of Christ during the crusades? During the civil rights movement? When a popular politician is all the rage? When my Lord returns?

Of course, it's easy to answer questions that deal with the past. They're so hypothetical. But my greatest fear is that I won't be the person and Christ follower I believe I am when it really counts. It is also my most fervent prayer. Lord, help me to be strong, just, persistent, convicted, and loving whenever I face ignorance, prejudice, unjustness, evil, and the hard choice. Amen!

OMG! WTH! IDK! (Or: Am I really the mother of a teenager?)

2010-06-15T20:10:00.004-04:00

Now that summer is here, I am able to spend much more time with my two girls. That is a great thing . . . most of the time. Mostly all this time together has made it even more clear that I am now the mother of a teenager. How did that happen? I still feel like I'm 23- not less than a year shy of 40! It is almost surreal when I find myself in those moments that make me realize we are that much closer to being parents of an adult. For instance: Hannah and Abby (9 years old) have only recently separated into their own rooms. They've shared everything for most of their lives. But last night, it became critically important for Hannah to have privacy while brushing her teeth. As Abby was trying to make her case for getting in the bathroom, I heard, "Can't you understand that I need time to take care of myself now?" Wow. She actually cares about hygiene now. Or on Sunday when I asked the girls to get their rooms ready for our open house. Hannah's room was immaculate. Not only did she do a great job, but then she asked me how she could help me. Excuse me? You want to what? Or today when she helped me with a surprise for a friend by cleaning up and vacuuming the three season room. Of course there are also those moments when she rolls her eyes at me, slams the car door, spends hours in her bed sleeping and/or crying, and just generally tries to prove that her knowledge base is far superior to mine. I look back at it all and wonder where my little two year old is. You know, the one who would put on her slippers, turn on classical music, and "ice skate" around the living room (culminating in the gold medal ceremony of course). The little girl who broke the recliner because she used it as Pride Rock one too many times. The little girl who would look heavenward with those big blue eyes, lift her arms in the air, and sing Jesus Loves Me at the top of her lungs. I know I can't have those days back. And I don't want them back, really. Parenting preschoolers is hard work - but a joy nonetheless. Pretty much like parenting a teenager I imagine. . .

Early Summer Meanderings

2010-06-14T22:08:00.001-04:00

I've just finished catching up with some of my favorite blogs. I so enjoy reading about the lives of friends and family and of course the happenings in my professional field. I'm always inspired to write more about my own life, while at the same time left feeling incredibly inadequate. I've been wanting to update my blog for some time, but haven't had much inspiration. So tonight as I listen to the sounds of the summer thunderstorm, my girls fighting over the bathroom, and my husband engrossed in the DS, I turned to our recent pictures for some inspiration.

John and I were recently talking about how much we love this time of year. The kids get out of school, it's May in Indy which of course means racing, and we always spend the first part of June in Florida with family. Above are just a few of my favorite pics from our new favorite season (replacing October when football starts and John celebrates his birthday). May was such an exciting month for us. Not only did the plans for our move back to Indy speed up, but we got to enjoy Abby preparing for her first Indy 500. About 4 years ago, as I was returning from a mission trip to Mexico, I found out that John had taken my then nine-year-old Hannah to the race. She made it about 10 laps and he stretched her out for about 10 more before walking her back to Grandma and Grandpa's house. Since then, for 4 years, Abby has been looking forward to her turn. Unlike her older sister, she has been a race fan for some time now. She will even choose to watch the DVD's of old races for the fun of it. She can tell you who drives what car by their number and their sponser. She can also tell you who has won the 500 and often what year they won. Although she loves Indy Car racing, Abby is not much of one for physical activity. Never has been. So to prepare her for the walk, she and John started taking walks as soon as it was warm enough. We were still concerned if she would make it even half way through the race. So to increase the excitement, we went to qualifications for the first time as a family. We had a great time. We spent about five hours at the track which was great practice for the sun and heat of race day. The girls were able to get several driver autographs, which increased Abby's excitement. Then to top off the preparations, we went to an Andretti Green signing session in Carmel. Abby was in heaven to get so close to her favorite driver, Marco Andretti. She even got her picture taken with him! Hannah too was excited because she got to see Danica Patrick up close and personal. Finally race day came and Abby did great! We were able to drive about half way there decreasing her walk. She made it through the whole race, walked ALL THE WAY back, and enjoyed watching it again on TV. Of course, now the fight is on to see who'll get to go next year. All in all, it was a fantastic 500 filled May.

Just a few short days after the 500, we headed off to Florida for our annual vacation and time with my sister and her family. One of the highlights of the trip was going to Busch Gardens. It was so so so HOT! I have to admit I was a bit grumpy. My mantra for the day was; "I'm losing weight and never coming to Florida in June again!" In spite of the heat (Thank goodness for water rides), we had some great times. It was an especially momentous day for Hannah. She was so proud that she rode every roller coaster available. Even the Sheikra, which boasts a 90 degree drop. Too scary for me - and I love coasters! As I look back at the day, my favorite Hannah moment was in the Lorakeet exhibit. We went in and Aunt Mindy bought a cup of nectar so the girls could feed the birds. Abby passed. Just a little too close for comfort and "What if they poop on you!" Hannah on the other hand, was in heaven. Our little future Vet loved interacting with the birds. After Uncle Kevin showed her how to make them perch on her finger, she had no fear. As we left the exhibit, all she kept asking was, "Can I get a pet bird? Please, please, please?!" The answer by the way is: "Yes, when you have your own house."

The biggest event of the summer so far was my nephew Eric's high school graduation. Seriously, how did he get to be 18? I'll never forget Kevin calling me 18 years ago and saying they were on their way to get me. It was time to go to the hospital. (I was Mindy's birthing coach. Kevin doesn't do well with blood.) It was such an honor to be a part of his birth. And now, to watch him graduate . . . sniff. I'm so excited for what the future holds. Eric is one of the kindest, loving, and bright 18 year old boys I know. Today, my sister (his mom) texted me to tell me she had dropped him off at his dorm for orientation. Yikes! My little baby boy, alone, on the giant campus of USF! I can only begin to imagine what his parents are feeling. All I can do is pray that he uses that brain and makes wise choices. Even as I do, I know that no matter what happens, I'll be proud of him and support him. Man, I love that kid!

So much excitement, and it feels like summer has barely started. Now we are on to the next adventure. The next two weeks will be consumed with packing and moving. I can't wait to start our next phase of life in our new home. But even as I write these words all sorts of fear and trepidation enter my mind. Will I ever get everything done? Will we be able to help the girls transition successfully? Will . . .?

Oh well. Another post, another day!

Dissonance

2010-04-01T10:32:00.002-04:00

dis·so·nance (dĭs'ə-nəns)
n.
A harsh, disagreeable combination of sounds; discord.

Lack of agreement, consistency, or harmony; conflict: "In Vietnam, reality fell away and dissonance between claim and fact filled the void" (Michael Janeway).

Music A combination of tones contextually considered to suggest unrelieved tension and require resolution.

Dissonance is a good description of the craziness of my life and the mellowness of my mood. Really I should be stressed beyond belief right now. My graduate school has discontinued my program and I have to find a new school. I am in the process of preparing my ministry to be taken over by someone else. We are trying to sell our house while looking for a new home in Indy. Where exactly the girls will be for school next year is still up in the air. I may or may not have a job in the months to come. All of these things would normally cause me at least some degree of stress, but . . .

For some reason I am at peace. I have a greater sense of trust in God than I think I have had in a long time. I guess I just decided that if this life change is what he wants for us than he'll have to work out all the details. That is freeing. I'm concerned about what I'll do with myself when I'm no longer working but I look forward to finding a new graduate program, setting up our new house, and having more time to play, cook, and craft with the girls. I'm happy not knowing what the future holds.

Nothing about my situation and my feelings fits together. But just as two notes in a composition can sound dissonant and even grating, when they are played in the whole composition they often fit just right. That is the story of my life right now. If I look at the details it makes me uncomfortable and grates on my nerves. But if I look at things in the perspective of God's bigger plan, it forms a beautiful harmony.

Chew on that!

2010-02-12T20:52:00.003-05:00

I can't believe it's been almost a year since I've written! I want to commit to writing at least once a week, but even as I say it that little voice in my head is laughing and say, yeah right! There is so much I've been meaning to write, but I think for now I'll leave you with some bits of wisdom from my old testament class this semester. In the case of all of these statements, I feel like God was saying to me- "chew on that!" Most of the statements I'm still savoring and haven't completely wrapped my brain around.

It's not the past that molds you into who you are. It's what it means to you.

Anger is related to blocked goals.

You can't create reality through faith. Faith will not make your problems go away.

In biblical terms, hope is knowing what is to come and waiting for it. Hope is not wishing something will happen.

All you need for peace is for God to lift up His face and look at you.

People don't always practice what they say they believe, but they always practice what they really believe.

There is a difference between God's wrath and man's wrath. Sometimes even righteous people are subject to man's wrath.

We are not defined by our sin. We are defined by our relationship with God.

Extreme Emotions: My Life as a Choir Tour Chaperone

2009-04-20T10:46:00.006-04:00

As I've reflected on our trip to Chicago with the Anderson Area Children's Choir, I've realized that there is a wide range of emotions involved in my experience. It was an amazing trip with a group of kids that were absolutely amazing. Everywhere we went they proved that societies generally negative attitude toward youth is sometimes unfounded. The best way for me to share MY experiences with you is through my emotional journey as follows . . .
FRIDAY:
Exhaustion: I actually started the tour feeling exhausted. We had such a busy week leading up to tour that I had worn myself out getting ready. I think I slept 90% of the time that we were on the bus this first day.
Torn: I know this may not really be considered an emotion, but I can't think of a better way to describe it. When we got to the Lincoln Park Zoo, some older girls who did not have parents on the trip adopted me as their chaperone. Hannah really wanted to hang out with some friends her own age. We tried to stay together but inevitably go separated. I was so proud of Hannah spreading her wings and realizing that she didn't need to be right by my side, but also sad that she was experiencing the trip without me. See what I mean? Torn.
Sadness/Pity: The group of girls I was chaperoning were so amazed by the things they saw at the zoo. I kept thinking, "Come one, girls. It's just zoo animals." But then I realized that perhaps they have never been to a zoo - at least not recently. I always feel sad for kids who live a fairly sheltered life and not able to experience fully the amazing world God has given us.
Pain: We had to eat a quick dinner of McDonald's because we only had about an hour and a half to clean up and get ready for the theater AND eat dinner. While we were eating, one of the girls from my room said she only eats salads at McDonalds because she thinks she is fat and she isn't going to do anything to add to the flaws she sees on her body. She said, "People tell me I'm not fat, but all that matters is what I think of myself." My heart broke. First of all, this is a beautiful young lady who is not overly thin nor in the least bit chunky. Secondly, it just fueled my desire to help kids see themselves as God sees them. Gorgeous and full of potential!
Awe: Our Friday evening ended with a trip to the musical "Mary Poppins." I'll admit I was a little skeptical that it wouldn't be good or live up to the icon that the movie and especially Julie Andrews are. I was amazed! I cried! I can't wait to see it again! If you have any opportunity to see this show I highly recommend it.
SATURDAY:
Exhaustion: Again I was already exhausted when the day began. What else can you expect after countless hours on a bus, travel, a zoo, a show, late night, early morning, etc.
Grateful: As I watched the kids sit in a clinic with Dr. Rollo Dillworth, I couldn't help being thankful that Hannah is privileged enough to have these experiences. She got great vocal training during the clinic and got to hear from the composer of one of their pieces, his vision and passion for the song he wrote.
Brave: When we got to Navy Pier, my group of course wanted to go on the Ferris Wheel. In a moment of weakness, I let them convince me to ride it with them. I'm not a big fan of heights and haven't been on a ferris wheel in I don't know how long. There's a pic of me on one when I was about 4 (screaming my head off by the way)and that's the only memory I have of ever being on one. My stomach and knees were like Jell-o but the view was pretty and I survived!
Anger: As we were walking around, I was enjoying being surrounded by so many cultures and languages in one place. Just as I started to tune into a spanish conversation to see if I could pick any of it up, one the girls in my group said, "Don't speak Mexican around me. I can't tell what you're saying." Then as we were eating lunch, the girls were talking as an aside about not liking Mexicans. One girl accused another of being a Mexican hater - and she agreed that she was! She went on to say how they take our jobs, don't learn the language etc. I was not really a part of the conversation so I was trying to work out a way to intercede and hopefully help them see all people as God's children. Then the thought occurred to me that this girl was only repeating what she's heard from her parents. There's a song from South Pacific called, "You've Got To Be Taught." Prejudice is not something we are born with - it's something we are taught. I cut my anger short and decided to lead by example, not by making a girl think less of her parents or me!
Sick: Not illness sick, but sick to my stomach over emotions sick. On the bus traveling to the Field Museum, I overheard three girls talking about school. These girls are sweet as can be, but a little backward and extremely intelligent. They were talking about no one liking them at school and being picked on. Kids knocking books out of their hands, pushing them into walls, and intentionally hitting them in the face with balls in gym class. It brought back my own feelings of inadequacy and not fitting in from jr. high. I was also so upset that kids are so mean - again, where do our kids learn to behave like that? From us- the adults in their lives.
Concerned: We had a good time at the Field Museum. Again the girls were amazed at a lot of what they saw. Somewhere along the line, a boy from another school trip told one of the girls he wanted her number. Of course, that transformed the entire experience to being about boys. All I kept thinking was how this was a group of 12-14 year old girls who were already learning how to use their looks and bodies to attract the attentions of men. It made me pray that these girls would not become another statistic as a young, unwed mother because they are so concerned about being loved and approved of by the opposite sex.
Separation Anxiety: Being at the Field Museum without Hannah (she was with the other group) was sad. It is the kind of thing that is right up this future vet's alley and I really wished I was seeing it through her eyes.
Irritation: After hanging out with a bunch of middle school kids and little sleep, Hannah was copping a major attitude with me. We constantly struggle with reminding her that we are not her friends and she needs to talk with and to us differently than she does her friends. Probably because I too had been with middle school kids and had had little sleep, I found it particularly irritating!
Frustration: I was tired and did not sleep well! Need I say more?
SUNDAY:
Disappointment: I'm not sure that this is an accurate description for my feeling. When we got to the Episcopal church where the students would be singing, I asked one of the choir leaders if they would explain to the kids what to expect at church as I guessed many of them had probably not experienced such a service. The response I got was surprise at the thought that there may kids who had never been to church at all and then I think anxiety over not knowing really what to expect. I just couldn't believe we were going to put kids in a situation where they would experience worship through liturgy that they may not understand let a alone all of the religious symbolism surrounding them, and not even attempt to explain it. I finally took it upon myself to procure bulletins so the kids could at least follow along. Why do we underestimate the ability of kids to understand differences in worship and religion? Why do we expect them not to question what they see and hear? Why do we think they don't experience God in worship?
Pride: Even though they were completely exhausted, all of the kids did such a great job in both of their concerts. They were overall an exemplary bunch!
Relief: It was finally over! Time to go back to our normal routine, reflect on the weekend, and thank God for his many blessings!

A Heaping Dose of Philosophy

2009-04-09T11:31:00.004-04:00

Well, it's finally done. For better or worse, I have put my philosophy of ministry down on paper. Now the real work begins. Now I get to answer questions like: How does my philosophy inform my actions? What do I need to do to fulfill my philosophy? What do I need to cut out of my ministry and life to act on my philosophy? How do I communicate my philosophy in a way that others can understand? The questions go on and on, but I'm excited to see how God will work through it. The thing I do know is that I am called to be transformed into the likeness of Christ and that it is possible (though rare) for that to happen in this lifetime. I don't believe one has to wait for heaven to be transformed because I don't believe God gives us commandments we can't achieve. Throughout the New Testament we are called to transform our lives. The book "Renovation of The Heart" by Dallas Willard has had a huge impact on me. I am challenged and inspired. Transformation will not be easy. I will not and do not like it much of the time. However, if I want to be the woman God created me to be, I must do everything in my power to transform each part of my being. I sincerely hope that some day when others look at me, they don't see the messed up, shell of Jana Goebel. I hope they see the radiance of Christ and the power He can have over one's life. So, I continue to journey and struggle knowing I will never have all the answers and may not reach my goal this side of heaven. But then again, who truly understands what God can do?

If you'd like to read my PoM and see how these thoughts impact the way I do ministry, I'm happy to share.

PERSONALITIES!

2009-01-21T22:59:00.000-05:00

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. -Psalm 139: 13-14

We just got home from a ski trip. As you can see in the picture above, both girls got to try their hand at skiing. Before they even put skis on they were both a little skeptical. However, we told them they both had to give a 2 hour session of ski school a try, and then they could decide if they wanted to keep it up, or that it wasn't for them. I was so excited that they had this opportunity. I think the opportunities we have in life shape so much of what we are willing to try. For instance, I'm terrified of skiing - mostly because of ski lifts. But had I had the opportunity to try it when I was younger and less fearful, I may be an expert skier now. Who knows?

The girls both did a great job in ski school. They listened to their instructor and tried everything he asked of them. However, even given opportunities to try something new does not change how your individual personality will cause you to respond. By the end of the class, Hannah was loving it. Being our adrenaline junkie this was no surprise. We went back for lunch and she declared that she was ready for the black (most dificult) slopes! Not quite. She did get to go on the greens (easiest but harder than the bunny hill) and she did most of them. She had a blast skiing with Daddy and especially loved the ski lift. I'm so glad I wasn't able to watch that! She can't wait to go back next year and work her way up to blues with the hopes of hitting the blacks some day.

Abby on the other hand is our more cautious child. Not much of an adventurer, or lover of physical activity, Abby was done before the 2 hours was up. Abby only likes to do that at which she excels. She struggled with her atheletic stance which in turn made it hard for her to stop. She did not appreciate the instructors gentle correction (we couldn't have asked for a nicer guy) and when you add the cold weather and physical exertion to all of that . . . well, she decided quickly that skiing was NOT for her. She spent the rest of the trip hanging out in the nice warm condo with mommy. Watching movies, playing games, and working on her homework - that's our Abby! We are hopeful she will try again in a year or two - and who knows, Mommy may even work up the courage.

It was a great trip and I had a lot of fun observing our girls and the unique people God has created them to be. They certainly are "fearfully and wonderfully made!"

Thoughts on Philosophy

2009-01-05T21:39:00.002-05:00

The following illuminating ideas/quotes came from my first day of class this term. I'm taking "Philosophical Foundations of Ministry" with Dr. David Rahn. We will be developing our own POM. I must say I went in to this class kicking and screaming. After today's class filled with a lot of deep, even painful thinking, I'm only kicking.

1. How is a balloon like your philosophy of ministry? For me: The balloon is my life. Just as it is easier to blow up or grow a balloon into fullness if you stretch it first, God has been stretching me over the years through various life experiences - good and bad. When I allow myself to be stretched and then filled with the breath of God or His spirit, I grow as a follower and my circle of influence becomes greater, thus allowing me to have a greater impact on God's kingdom.

2. "Is to think better a requirement for greater fruitfulness?" (Dr. Rahn) For years I have said I am not the type of person to analyze or think my faith into being. I believe. Period. However, I am beginning to see that there is more to it than that. After all, the Bible tells us to love God with all our minds. If philosophy is the why we do what we do, I guess I better pay attention and know what I'm doing so I can have a fruitful outcome.

3. "When the one way becomes THE way, we've lost focus on why we're doing what we're doing." (Dr. Rahn) Need I say more? We fear change and allow it to get us stuck. It's like the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing but expecting a different result. This is a real danger in many things: ministry, parenting, marriage, friendship, life. . .

4. You've heard it said that you can't see the forest for the trees. Counter that with this thought: "You can't know what a forest is until you know what a healthy tree looks like." I'm still pondering this one. I will say that often I get ahead of myself in ministry and in life I can get focused on the big picture and forget to think about what it is I should be viewing as health. Is it numbers, big - ness, growth, OR transformation into healthy, fully devoted followers of Christ.

As you can see it's a lot to think about and ponder. It hurts my brain, but I suppose that's what God gave me a brain for. When the day finally comes that I'm able to articulate my philosphy of ministry, I'll post it here. Until then . . . pray that God will stretch my thinking capacity!

Christmas - "And the truth shall set you free."

2008-12-27T17:50:00.002-05:00

Truth. As parents I think we often take this concept lightly. We want to be truthful to our children and others, but we can bend the truth when it suits our purposes. One of our family values in honesty. But I have to admit in some things we bend the truth a little. For instance, take Santa. However some may feel about the legend of Santa, I have always felt that it was one of the magical parts of Christmas. It keeps the wonder and innocence in the season for children. Over the course of the past year, our 11 year old came to terms with Santa not being real. It was a belief she came to on her own and we supported her in it and even applauded her maturity. At the time, little did I know that this year would mark the end of Santa in our household.

After losing her first tooth, Abby became very distraught about the tooth fairy. She would cry while declaring "I don't want a stranger coming in my room while I'm asleep." So needless to say, eventually we told her the truth about the tooth fairy. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that as I tucked her in on Christmas Eve she became upset about Santa having access to our home when we were all asleep. She had anxiety that he might come in her room or that she might accidentally wake up while he was at our house and get into some kind of trouble. After reassuring her that Santa was kind, loved children, and certainly would not be mad at her for waking up, she was able to calm down and go to sleep. HOWEVER, within the first three hours of being asleep, Abby woke up two more times with worries and a stomach ache. Finally the during the second of these times, as I tried to calm her, she began feeling sick to her stomach and was literally shaking with fear! It broke my heart and I didn't even hesitate to tell her the truth about Santa.

Of course, after doing so, I felt an incredible amount of let down. I was also worried that Abby would be hurt, or disappointed, or . . . I mean how does one respond when a long held childhood belief comes crashing down around them? I looked down at Abby and asked her how she felt. She was all smiles and said she was happy to know. I asked if she would still be excited about Christmas and she exclaimed, "Yes! I still get presents!" What a relief. I also felt better knowing that I was able to give my baby the gift of security and calmness. Abby got a restful night's sleep and we had a great Christmas.

In John 8: 31-32, the Bible says, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. 32Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." There are so many areas where I long for truth in my life. How comforting to know that there is an answer. If I hold to the teachings of Christ and live as His disciple. I will know the truth and be set free! That is my wish for myself and all of those I know and love this new year. Know the truth . . . and be set free!

How has the time gone by?

2008-12-14T22:48:00.003-05:00

No, really. How has the time gone by? I just looked at my blogs and can't believe how long it's been since I last posted anything. What have I been doing? When I look back, we've been busy, but where are all those wasted hours spent on Facebook or watching TV?

Christmas is just around the corner and as I bask in the glow our our Christmas tree, I find myself pondering everything I've been teaching the kids at church. We've been talking about "God's Unstoppable Plan." Even though so many things tried to get in the way of Christ's birth, God loved us so much that nothing could stop his plan from moving forward. You know, sometimes I'm obsessive about having a Plan B. Did God have a Plan B, or did he just know his original plan would pull through? I guess when you're God it's easier to have faith in Plan A. After all, you're kind of in charge. But sometimes, maybe it's not such a good thing. I think knowing the consequences of your plan might make it harder to follow through. For instance: how do you allow your Son to be born knowing that He will die a horrible death? How do you let Him experience the joy and richness of life when you already know the pain and suffering He'll experience with it? When I think of these things, I find myself speechless. I know I couldn't do it. Which shows me just how small my love is and how GIGANTIC God's love is. Then I'm overwhelmed to the point of tears. How can anyone love me so much that they would willingly go through all of that pain and heartache? Yet, I know I am loved that much. And so are you! That's what I hope I can teach my kids and all the little lives I have the privilege of influencing. YOU are the reason God gives us Christmas - and all of the wonderful, tragic, glorious days that follow. Merry Christmas!

Today I am thankful for: a warm house that keeps out the wind, the security of jobs for John and I, and the gift found in the manger over 2000 years ago.

Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T22:11:00.003-05:00

What a range of emotions we have experienced today. We got to our friends' house so we could drop our dog off, only to find that their dog was dying. We stayed with them until he was gone. It was a heart-wrenching tragic moment, but I couldn't help but think that this is what doing life together is all about. When you truly share your life with others, you are together in good times and hard times. There is not place I would have rather been at that moment. There was nothing I could do to help, but it felt right to be there to pray silently for them in their grief and offer our love and hugs.
Moments later we got to my mom's and were surrounded by the familiarity and comfort of home. The best was seeing the joy on the girls' faces when they got the surprise of the Irwins being here from Florida. As the day went on and there were 15 of us, ranging from 1 1/2 - 81 years, there were moments when I wished to be anywhere else. Preferably a deserted tropical island with the power to make those I wished to spend time with appear and disappear at will. Then there was the moment of laughing so hard I had to sit down for fear of peeing myself (TMI?) because mom, Mindy, and I were trying to work together on a dessert recipe- but we all were reading it at different points and confusing everything! Now I'm with my fabulous four, relaxing in the hotel after swimming, enjoying the relative quiet and . . . I can't wait to go back into the meylay tomorrow!

Tonight I am thankful for:
1) hotels and the staff who have to work on a holiday so my family and I can relax
2) an overabudance of delicious food
3)my Muncie Goebels

My First Post!!!

2008-11-25T16:41:00.003-05:00

Well, I've been saying I'm going to do this for awhile, and I'm finally getting around to it. I don't know if anyone will be interested in what I have to say, but here it is for better or worse.

As we get ready for thanksgiving, one thing I want to start doing is listing three things I am thankful for each day. Those of you who are Jarheads might recognize this as a challenge from Chris last week. So, before I head off to clean . . .

I am thankful for:
1)My amazing husband
2)My beautiful girls
3)A warm, safe house