As I've reflected on our trip to Chicago with the Anderson Area Children's Choir, I've realized that there is a wide range of emotions involved in my experience. It was an amazing trip with a group of kids that were absolutely amazing. Everywhere we went they proved that societies generally negative attitude toward youth is sometimes unfounded. The best way for me to share MY experiences with you is through my emotional journey as follows . . .
FRIDAY:
Exhaustion: I actually started the tour feeling exhausted. We had such a busy week leading up to tour that I had worn myself out getting ready. I think I slept 90% of the time that we were on the bus this first day.
Torn: I know this may not really be considered an emotion, but I can't think of a better way to describe it. When we got to the Lincoln Park Zoo, some older girls who did not have parents on the trip adopted me as their chaperone. Hannah really wanted to hang out with some friends her own age. We tried to stay together but inevitably go separated. I was so proud of Hannah spreading her wings and realizing that she didn't need to be right by my side, but also sad that she was experiencing the trip without me. See what I mean? Torn.
Sadness/Pity: The group of girls I was chaperoning were so amazed by the things they saw at the zoo. I kept thinking, "Come one, girls. It's just zoo animals." But then I realized that perhaps they have never been to a zoo - at least not recently. I always feel sad for kids who live a fairly sheltered life and not able to experience fully the amazing world God has given us.
Pain: We had to eat a quick dinner of McDonald's because we only had about an hour and a half to clean up and get ready for the theater AND eat dinner. While we were eating, one of the girls from my room said she only eats salads at McDonalds because she thinks she is fat and she isn't going to do anything to add to the flaws she sees on her body. She said, "People tell me I'm not fat, but all that matters is what I think of myself." My heart broke. First of all, this is a beautiful young lady who is not overly thin nor in the least bit chunky. Secondly, it just fueled my desire to help kids see themselves as God sees them. Gorgeous and full of potential!
Awe: Our Friday evening ended with a trip to the musical "Mary Poppins." I'll admit I was a little skeptical that it wouldn't be good or live up to the icon that the movie and especially Julie Andrews are. I was amazed! I cried! I can't wait to see it again! If you have any opportunity to see this show I highly recommend it.
SATURDAY:
Exhaustion: Again I was already exhausted when the day began. What else can you expect after countless hours on a bus, travel, a zoo, a show, late night, early morning, etc.
Grateful: As I watched the kids sit in a clinic with Dr. Rollo Dillworth, I couldn't help being thankful that Hannah is privileged enough to have these experiences. She got great vocal training during the clinic and got to hear from the composer of one of their pieces, his vision and passion for the song he wrote.
Brave: When we got to Navy Pier, my group of course wanted to go on the Ferris Wheel. In a moment of weakness, I let them convince me to ride it with them. I'm not a big fan of heights and haven't been on a ferris wheel in I don't know how long. There's a pic of me on one when I was about 4 (screaming my head off by the way)and that's the only memory I have of ever being on one. My stomach and knees were like Jell-o but the view was pretty and I survived!
Anger: As we were walking around, I was enjoying being surrounded by so many cultures and languages in one place. Just as I started to tune into a spanish conversation to see if I could pick any of it up, one the girls in my group said, "Don't speak Mexican around me. I can't tell what you're saying." Then as we were eating lunch, the girls were talking as an aside about not liking Mexicans. One girl accused another of being a Mexican hater - and she agreed that she was! She went on to say how they take our jobs, don't learn the language etc. I was not really a part of the conversation so I was trying to work out a way to intercede and hopefully help them see all people as God's children. Then the thought occurred to me that this girl was only repeating what she's heard from her parents. There's a song from South Pacific called, "You've Got To Be Taught." Prejudice is not something we are born with - it's something we are taught. I cut my anger short and decided to lead by example, not by making a girl think less of her parents or me!
Sick: Not illness sick, but sick to my stomach over emotions sick. On the bus traveling to the Field Museum, I overheard three girls talking about school. These girls are sweet as can be, but a little backward and extremely intelligent. They were talking about no one liking them at school and being picked on. Kids knocking books out of their hands, pushing them into walls, and intentionally hitting them in the face with balls in gym class. It brought back my own feelings of inadequacy and not fitting in from jr. high. I was also so upset that kids are so mean - again, where do our kids learn to behave like that? From us- the adults in their lives.
Concerned: We had a good time at the Field Museum. Again the girls were amazed at a lot of what they saw. Somewhere along the line, a boy from another school trip told one of the girls he wanted her number. Of course, that transformed the entire experience to being about boys. All I kept thinking was how this was a group of 12-14 year old girls who were already learning how to use their looks and bodies to attract the attentions of men. It made me pray that these girls would not become another statistic as a young, unwed mother because they are so concerned about being loved and approved of by the opposite sex.
Separation Anxiety: Being at the Field Museum without Hannah (she was with the other group) was sad. It is the kind of thing that is right up this future vet's alley and I really wished I was seeing it through her eyes.
Irritation: After hanging out with a bunch of middle school kids and little sleep, Hannah was copping a major attitude with me. We constantly struggle with reminding her that we are not her friends and she needs to talk with and to us differently than she does her friends. Probably because I too had been with middle school kids and had had little sleep, I found it particularly irritating!
Frustration: I was tired and did not sleep well! Need I say more?
SUNDAY:
Disappointment: I'm not sure that this is an accurate description for my feeling. When we got to the Episcopal church where the students would be singing, I asked one of the choir leaders if they would explain to the kids what to expect at church as I guessed many of them had probably not experienced such a service. The response I got was surprise at the thought that there may kids who had never been to church at all and then I think anxiety over not knowing really what to expect. I just couldn't believe we were going to put kids in a situation where they would experience worship through liturgy that they may not understand let a alone all of the religious symbolism surrounding them, and not even attempt to explain it. I finally took it upon myself to procure bulletins so the kids could at least follow along. Why do we underestimate the ability of kids to understand differences in worship and religion? Why do we expect them not to question what they see and hear? Why do we think they don't experience God in worship?
Pride: Even though they were completely exhausted, all of the kids did such a great job in both of their concerts. They were overall an exemplary bunch!
Relief: It was finally over! Time to go back to our normal routine, reflect on the weekend, and thank God for his many blessings!
